Tracing the Roots of Gratitude

Gratitude

Nov 28

This year’s annual gratitude episode takes us onto a slightly different path, one that goes many layers deeper into a more reflective, meaning-making approach to gratitude. Tune in for a gentle, science-informed exploration for a season that can feel complicated.

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Important timestamp markers

11:07: Personal example with discussion of siblings.

14:53: Guidance on how to trace your own Roots of Gratitude

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Tracing the Roots of Gratitude

Hello and welcome! You’re listening to the PsycHope Self-Help Podcast: A space for women where psychology illuminates paths to healing, hope, and personal growth. I’m Dr. Jennifer McManus, a clinical psychologist and I’ll be your host. Each episode, we’ll explore a different way to use psychology to enhance emotional wellness. Hope you enjoy the show!

Keep scrolling for the full transcript in case you want to dive into the details!

It’s episode 53. It’s been a minute, but we’re back with our traditional gratitude focused episode just in time for Thanksgiving. This is one of my favorite annual traditions on the podcast, and I’m so glad you’re here with me for it.

As we head into Thanksgiving here in the US, you might already be feeling a whirlwind of expectations. The gratitude posts, the pressure to be thankful, the general “holiday shoulds” that start to creep in this time of year. And if you’re listening right now thinking, “I’m not quite feeling the gratitude vibe this year,” I want you to know that is a completely normal human experience. Especially after a long or difficult year, gratitude can feel complicated.

Now if you’ve been with the PsycHope Self-Help Podcast for a while, then you might remember some of our earlier gratitude episodes.

The very first time we talked gratitude here on the podcast was back on episode 6. That was when we looked at quick tips for how gratitude could help with holiday stress. That episode was part of the first 12 Days of Holiday Stress Relief tradition here at PsycHope. Little side note, the 12 Days of Holiday Stress Relief tradition is back again. This year, with 12 days of restorative practices, curated by yours truly. So, if you haven’t already head on over to PsycHope.com/12days to make sure you’re signed up to get all the goodies.

Now, the next time the topic of gratitude showed up was on episode 32, that episode was Spirit: Is it Your Best Path Through Work Stress? Here we highlighted how gratitude can help women reconnect with what really matters when feeling overwhelmed by work stress.

Then in 2023, we took a deep dive into the science behind gratitude on episode 34, The Power of a Grateful Heart. So, definitely check out that episode to learn about research findings supporting the impressive psychological and other health benefits connected to feeling grateful. If you want the full science-heavy breakdown, that episode is still there for you.

Last year, we had episode 43, Finding Gratitude When Life Gets Hard, which offered a very real and compassionate look at what to do when gratitude doesn’t come easily.

Each of those episodes explored a different path into gratitude and the ways it supports our well-being.

The Inspiration: A New Way to Think About Gratitude

This year’s episode was actually inspired by a New York Times personal history piece written by Melissa Kirsch. And let me say, I am so grateful to the friend who shared it with me! That article was published in the New York Times back on October 25th, 2025 just in case you want to read it for yourself. I’ll go ahead and summarize a little bit for you though.

Kirsch’s whole idea was this:
Instead of simply naming what you’re grateful for, you trace how that thing, or that person, came into your life in the first place.

She called attention to the “web of interconnected prerequisites.” And she gave this wonderful example about a small object she enjoys — a deck of “wisdom cards.” Instead of stopping at “I’m grateful for this deck,” she traced it back:
she traced it back to the friend who gave it to her…
the job where she met that friend…
the person who helped her get that job…
the professor who led her toward that path…
the chain of choices stretching back through years and relationships.

It was fascinating and honestly, refreshing. Especially in a culture where gratitude has been merchandised into signs and scripted slogans. Her approach felt more honest. More grounding. More meaningful.

So today, I want to share this approach with you, connect it to the science on the psychological benefits of gratitude, walk you through one of my own gratitude “roots” as an example, and set you up for success in tracing your own roots of gratitude.

Why This Deeper Method Matters (Scientifically!)

Let’s get into why this deeper method matters scientifically. I want to point out that this tracing-backward approach adds something beyond our classic “three good things” journaling approach, though let me be clear, the three-good-things method is wonderful and very well-researched. We’re not knocking it. This deeper approach builds on that foundation though in several ways.

First, it broadens our attention

Instead of focusing on just one moment, we’re expanding out with:

more perspective
more nuance
more flexibility
and less tunnel vision, which is associated with our threat system so super important when we’re talking about stress relief.

Second, this approach has the potential to strengthen social connection

Tracing the roots of gratitude reminds us:

we’re not alone
we are shaped by people
and we belong to networks of support

These reminders can activate neural pathways tied to empathy and emotional safety.

Third, it builds emotional resilience

This practice creates a story, a sense of coherence:

We might think, my life has a narrative. It’s not just random stressors. There have been helpers, influences, and turning points.”

That sense of coherence is strongly tied to resilience.

Fourth, it deepens and extends the benefits of gratitude

There’s research on the “upward spiral” of positive emotions, meaning the longer we stay with them, the greater the payoff.

This reflective method of tracing the roots of our gratitude:

strengthens neural circuits through neuroplasticity
supports the repeat activation of meaning and connection pathways
and creates more durable emotional benefits than a quick gratitude list

When you reflect on a story instead of just naming a moment, it has the potential for the gratitude to really stick. It’s encoded into your memory and shifts your mood in a more enduring way.

And last, it aligns beautifully with key positive psychology concepts

Take Savoring, for example: You’re intentionally lingering in a positive experience.
Also, the concept of Broaden-and-build: This is when a positive emotion widens your thinking and builds long-term inner resources.
And, prosocial emotions: You naturally feel more empathy, generosity, and warmth.

So, this deeper style is still rooted in science, even though it feels rather poetic.

Ancient Roots of This Reflective Style

Now, around here at PsycHope we not only love self-help approaches that are backed by scientific evidence, we also value those that are rooted in ancient spiritual traditions. So, let’s shine a light on some of the ancient roots and faith-based connections of this reflective style.

A Buddhist teaching says that everything we experience grows out of many interconnected causes and conditions.
In Judaism, there is a practice of “recognizing the good,” and that includes its sources.
And Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. wrote about our “inescapable network of mutuality.”

Across cultures, you see:

storytelling traditions
ancestral reverence
and gratitude prayers that acknowledge the land, the labor, the lineage, the community

So, this practice bridges science and spirituality, reinforcing the mind–body–spirit connection that this podcast is all about.

Tracing the Roots of Gratitude: My Supportive Sisters

Now with a bit of foundation laid, I wanted to try out Kirsch’s inspiring approach myself. Something I’ve been feeling deeply grateful for this past year is the supportive, meaningful relationships I have with my two sisters.

Before tracing the roots of my gratitude though, I want to acknowledge something important here.

For lots of folks, family relationships can be complicated or emotionally painful, especially around the holidays. And sometimes discussions about siblings can bring up feelings of grief, longing, or even loneliness. If that’s you, I see you and I get it. If it makes sense for you to skip this part of the podcast where I do my personal exploration, go right ahead. I’ll even put a timestamp note in the show description to help you out there.

The very fact that sibling relationships can sometimes be strained is part of the reason I’m so grateful for the support my sisters and I share.

So, let’s trace this back a little and see what emerges.

The first layer I reflected on was our shared childhood foundation.

We grew up together in Maine, playing on the beach during those gorgeous summers, and staying warm and cozy indoors with hours of make-believe play during those long, cold Maine winters.
We weathered plenty of challenges as a team. We learned how to be in the world together. We shaped each other.

The second layer I thought about were the circumstances that even made us siblings in the first place.

Then we go deeper.

Our parents meeting. The improbable chain of timing and choices that brought them into each other’s orbit.

If they hadn’t taken certain jobs, including one particular restaurant in New England, they perhaps never would have met.

And then we go back another layer. Our grandparents. The lives they built in Massachusetts. Their decisions about careers, family, and place.

And further back, generations before, who immigrated from Ireland, England, and France. People who left their homelands for reasons we can only partially know: hope, opportunity, necessity.

With this exploration, being sisters starts to feel like a small miracle of possibility.

The third layer I explored was ancestral influence

And we widen the lens even more here.

The resilience of ancestors who survived hardship, giving our family line a future.
The cultural traditions handed down: a love of music, storytelling, humor, faith.
Irish Catholic roots, Episcopalian roots, European influences woven together.

Our bond carries the emotional DNA of generations of women who held families together.

At this point, my gratitude starts to expand from “I love my sisters” to “look at the long chain of humanity that made this connection possible.”

The fourth layer actually brings us back to the now: adult decisions that strengthened our bond.

Because being siblings doesn’t guarantee closeness.

We chose it.

We chose to stay involved in each other’s adult lives.
We celebrated marriages, academic achievements, and new babies.
We showed up for each other during moves, breakups, grief, illness.
We repaired things when we needed to.
And we did the personal healing work that allows deeper relationships to exist in the first place.

When I trace this all backward, what lands is a profound sense of connection, across generations, across time, across choices made by people I’ll never meet, all contributing to the relationships I treasure today.

Want to Trace Your Roots of Gratitude?

I hope you found it helpful to hear my personal example of tracing the roots of gratitude. If you want to experiment with this approach for yourself, here are a few simple steps to support you in this practice.

1. Start Small

I want to encourage you to start small. Pick something for which you are grateful. It can just be an ordinary thing:
your morning coffee, a warm blanket, a song you love, a favorite walking path or trail, maybe your pet.

2. Then, trace its lineage by asking questions like

· Who or what helped make this possible?

· What events or circumstances had to unfold before this existed in my life?

· What choices—mine or someone else’s—played a role in bringing me here?

· And, who influenced or shaped me so I could value this today?

· And, what earlier moments, even small ones, quietly set the stage for this gratitude?

Usually three to five probing questions is enough.

3. Now, notice the shift

You might feel:

less alone
more grounded
more connected
maybe even more warmth in your body
and hopefully your stress response softening

Now let’s take Kirsch’s personal history approach and connect it back to some of the tried and true (and scientifically tested) gratitude techniques.

4. You can journal It

Right. Just one reflection can give you a lift. Once a Week Is Plenty. This is similar to the 3 good things approach of journaling.

5. You might also consider sharing your gratitude story with others

It’s a narrative-style gratitude visit: “Here’s the story of how this became something I’m grateful for.” This is especially helpful not only for the individual who is feeling grateful, but also for the person with whom you might share the story. Perhaps it is the person for whom you are grateful or maybe they played some role in your gratitude lineage (like, they gave you the item for which you are grateful).

6. This might also be a helpful approach when gratitude is hard

This approach just feels gentler. It bypasses the forced “just write three things” method and moves towards more authentic meaning-making.

As we start winding down here, I want to acknowledge that gratitude around Thanksgiving can feel loaded. There’s pressure to feel thankful, even when you’re tired, overwhelmed, or maybe even going through emotional hurt. And that pressure can feel invalidating.

This reflective tracing approach gives you a way to engage with gratitude more authentically, not performatively. Again, only if you want. You get to choose.

This approach honors your humanity, not the “shoulds.”

Now, if you’re wanting extra support during this holiday season — with all its emotional, relational, financial, and logistical pressures — I want to invite you to join us for this year’s 12 Days of Holiday Stress Relief event.

This year, PsycHope is bringing you a curated collection of restorative practices designed to help you find calm and clarity during one of the busiest times of year.

You can sign up at psychope.com/12days.

The practices will be revealed from December 12th through December 23rd, with a different theme each day. So, sign up now for gentle, healing practices to help support your mind, body, and spirit. Choose which practices best serve you. There is no cost associated with this online event. To sign up, head on over to psychope.com/12days or just click the link in the show notes.

As we wrap up, I want to leave you with these final thoughts:

Gratitude doesn’t need to be forced.
You don’t have to feel a certain way because it’s Thanksgiving.
You can make it your own.
And, if you choose, you can follow the threads of what matters to you, and let the meaning reveal itself.

Thank you again for joining us for this episode.

Much Peace Until Next Time.

The information shared on the PsycHope Self-Help podcast is done so with the understanding that it does not constitute professional help nor is it a substitute for professional help. If you think you might benefit from more than self-help, there are resources listed in the show notes.

Show Notes

Episode 53, originally published on November 27, 2025.

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Disclaimer

The information shared on the PsycHope Self-Help podcast does not constitute professional help nor is it a substitute for professional help. If you think you might benefit from more than self-help, here are some helpful resources:

Find a therapist:

Psychology Today, directory for locating a psychotherapist. More details here: https://www.psychologytoday.com/

Mental health crisis resources:

Crisis text line: text HOME to 741741 to connect with a Crisis Counselor for any emotional crisis

Gratitude